A little over 9 weeks ago I wrote about new areas of discipline that I wanted to work on in this blog. Little did I know what God had in store for those 9 weeks.
A quick recap of the areas I wanted to work on:
- Spiritually – I wanted to really spend some time getting to know Him deeper.
- Physically – Seriously working on this size 10 body.
- Mentally – Getting back to reading and blogging and learning new things.
- Business-ly – Working on my Mary Kay and pushing to accomplish my goal of being out of Credit card debt by July.
Oh my did God have some work for my life!
Spiritually – I decided to start by rewalking through a book that I have studying before called Victory over Darkness by Neil Anderson. This book is chock full of scripture – giving one the tools to really understand the battle of the mind, one’s identity in Christ and learning how to overcome the Enemies relentless attempt to convince us that we are less than who Christ empowers us to be. having walked through this study before, I knew that there would be some warfare coming, as there is anytime that one decides to go deeper. But I was not expecting the kind of attack that I experienced. I began battling what I believed to be depression. I was experiencing insomnia, then when I did sleep having nightmares, unexplainable fear of things and people, a lethargic nothingness that came out of nowhere, and then the scariest of all came sadness….overwhelming, indescribable sadness. The kind of sadness that puts one to bed, and where one wishes to absolutely never have to get out. NONE of this was who I am. As I know that there is a chemical possibility for me to experience depression, I chalked it up to this. I put on a fake and happy mask and did whatever it took to make it through the day. Only to get home and cry myself to sleep and wish for change that didn’t appear was ever going to come.
I have learned enough in the past few years to ask for help as quickly as possible when these feelings come on, so I went to the doctors for help and all of my blood work came back normal – so my chemicals were not out of kilter. All of my herbal suppliments were at the right dosage and according to the doctors there was seemingly no reason for this state of mind to be. So, I went where I should have gone first; right into the arms of Him who loves me most. In my fear and anxiety I was actually having a lot of trouble even being able to pray – which, again, is very much not like me. So I went to one of the elders of my church whom I trusted with my insecurities and described to him all of my symptoms. I told him that I believed that I was not actually depressed but rather I was oppressed and in desperate need of the blood of Jesus to bind and destroy whatever had attached itself to me.
Praise the Lord! I am now walking again in the freedom and joy that I was walking in earlier this year. However, how sweet and lovely and deeper it is for having walked through this time.
Ok so I still struggle with discipline here, but I am proud to say that I have signed up for my first 5K. I am using the “Get Running” App on the iphone. It is part of the “couch to 5K” running program. I pretty much adore the voice that is used for the prompts. It is a sweet woman with a british accent…I’ve named her “Claire”. If I ever get the chance to meet her I will give her a huge hug for helping me making “just 10 more seconds.”
Now if I could just be disciplined enough to get up and run early in the morning!
This is probably the area in which I have excelled the most. I have (obviously) gotten back to blogging. I am learning how to play the guitar (but need to be more disciplined in my practice of it). I have fallen back in love with reading….I am reading several books right now and learning new things with every sentence.
And lastly…Ok I’m putting it out here for the world to see…I am applying for Grad school!!! I hope to have my application finished and ready for editing by this Friday – which means I have to put my nose to the proverbial grindstone and get it done. More on this later…but I am soooo excited!
This is the area that has unfortunately lacked the most. With the before mentioned “depression”, the ability or desire to do anything at all was completely lacking. However, God has blessed despite my failings and I have several new customers and have had some great business in the past few weeks. Now that I am back to my normal self I am excited to get back out there…and use this business to richly bless and work in the lives of other women.
Oh and you know if I earn one of these along the way……so be it.
I am now onto the next part of discipline which is refining these things. Going back – looking to see where it is I falter in my steps and how I can change.
I have also (as you can see in my last blog post) taken up a 30-day journalling challenge. With this challenge I have simultaneously challenged myself to be part of the 5 o’clock club (getting up at 5 o’clock to get the day started in the Word and not begin my day in such a rush). We’ll see what this has to teach me!