I’m not good at waiting, yet lately it seems my life is in a perpetual state of it.
Waiting on the right house
Waiting to be fully out of debt and waiting for the freedom that comes with that
Waiting for a phone call that never comes
Waiting to fit in
Waiting for the promises to be fulfilled
Waiting on my next trip
Waiting on God to show me where He wants me to go…or if He wants me to go.
Waiting!!! It seems every time I open scripture I find verses that are drawing me to be still and wait….yet I like a spoiled, petulant child, continue to cry out….NO! I don’t want to wait, I want it now!!
Last night I headed to The Village Church – to be honest I wanted to be anywhere but there. My soul was bothered and stirred up and rather than run to the cross and the sanctuary of his promises that were fulfilled there….I wanted to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. I stood through the first couple of songs pondering a thousand whys and not hearing the words that were so desperately trying to get past the wall I’d put up around my heart….I didn’t want to hear them. To hear them would require action on my part, to confess, to repent, to sit quietly and allow the Christ who died for me to comfort and hold me….and everything in me was resisting it….again – the spoiled child showing up wanting her way.
Then the sermon started – Romans 8:28-29 the text – GREAT! Haven’t I heard this 1,000 times before? But then, I began to listen, and those verses that I have heard a 1000 times, memorized, sung songs about, and taught to others….penetrated deep into my heart.
“And we know…..”
Not and we hope….or we think…..or maybe….The words say “and we KNOW” followed by words of promise. God is for me at all times in all seasons and though sometimes through my spoiled, want it right now, arms crossed over my chest in defiance childlike ways….I miss out on what He has for me in this moment…right now.
So as I stumbled to the alter to once again confess that I had once again tried to take control, that I didn’t want to wait, that I was hurt and angry and questioning all of His intentions for my life….I found waiting for me there a Savior, arms open wide, one whose blood has already paid for and covered all of the actions of my life….His arms held me, His words comforted me, and His kind GRACE pushed me to repentance. So I will wait. And in my waiting I will learn of Him, love those around me, serve my family, friends and community and learn what He has to show me in the waiting.