Yesterday started as this amazing day….
Up at 5, spending time with God, fresh cup of coffee in hand, journaling…..
“To do list” was already written the night before which made it easy to see what was ahead, what I needed to get on and accomplish…..
Then I got a text from one of my favorite people, it made me smile as those texts always do…and we proceeded to have what started out as super funny conversation, then as if the earth shifted and tilted, so did my mood…and an innocent text that was meant to be funny and make me laugh…turned into my accusing the texter of hurting my feelings. My feelings werent’ really hurt, and the accusation was completely unfounded. But the words were out there…I couldn’t take them back and it just got worse and worse and worse….now that person feels badly that my feelings are hurt, I feel badly for being petty and hurting feelings in return. The rest of the conversation was just weird and (to me) awkward. Life was out of sync.
Onto work – still chewing on how words that I said were so dumb and wondering why I would have even said them and why I would hurt someone that I care for…. work proceeded to be a series of one miscue after the other. My boss and I, who are usually right on track with each other, could not communicate to save our lives. He wanted something, I heard that he wanted something else. He asked for a this thing, I gave him that thing. Spending 40 hours a week with a person you get so used to being in rhythm with them; that when you aren’t for whatever reason it just feels wrong. Life was out of sync.
Another texting conversation, proved that I had miscommunicated with another friend, this time not with words but with silence. So this person that I love and want to do life with was left wondering if I was excited for her recent news and upcoming wedding. Once more life was out of sync.
Guitar lesson – left guitar at home.
Lunch – pre-made and left on the counter at home.
Deadline – missed.
Plans I was making – restaurant closed.
If I was involved in it yesterday, you could bet that it was not going to be right somehow. Life was out of sync!
But somedays are just like that. Off rhythm – out of sync. The only thing that can make it right again is to stop fighting against it all and start listening to rhythm again.
Concentrating on others, their feelings, their needs….I can hear the rhythm a bit better.
Stopping for a moment from having my way and having my needs heard…to truly listening to another…the world begins to shift back where it belongs.
Focusing on serving others and not myself….I begin to feel the right rhythm come back to my soul.
Things are not totally there yet. I’m still feeling off rhythm. I have a lot of making up to do. Forgiveness to ask for. Readjusting to be done. But I am getting there….and, hopefully, with time and work and a lot of effort on my part….life will come back into sync.