“This day’s been crazy but everything’s happened on schedule.
From the rain and the cold to the drink that I spilled on my shirt.
‘Cuz you knew how You’d save me before I fell dead in the garden.
And you knew this day long before you made me out of dirt.

“And you know the plans that you have for me.
And you can’t plan the ends and not plan the means…”

-Caedmon’s Call, “Table for Two”

These lyrics have been running round in my head since I saw Caedmon’s call in Dallas a few months ago.  Specifically the line.. “Cuz you knew how You’d save me before I fell dead in the garden.”   It was as if this line jumped out of the song and landed a direct punch into my face.  Why do I continuously struggle with trust, and fall back into the rut of mediocrity when the God who knew me before the foundation of the world is in control.

A couple of weeks ago I was at Mary Kay seminar – which is the annual meeting for Mary Kay – and one of the directors speaking said this…

“God has a plan for your life.
He is not going to tell you that plan.
He is working on that plan right this minute
Your job is to be faithful today.”

Whew! What a lovely promise.  Again, leading back to the simple act of trusting the Lord while walking out what He has for me today.

Then this week….I am reading through the Bible with friends of mine in Chicago.  They have a bible study that I Skype into on Tuesday nights and we have a Facebook group where we share thoughts, prayer requests and more recently where we share our thoughts on the reading we are doing that day.  Monday’s reading was in Genesis 42 – 43.

I’ve read that particular reading three or four times and I keep coming back to 43:14 – “If I be bereaved of my children, I am bereaved.” – Jacob (now called Isreal) is finally learning to trust God with his most precious & resigning himself to the reality that sometimes God takes what is most precious for His glory.

BAM!  Once again the Lord showing me a theme of trust.  If you look back over my blog, for the past 5 years of my story there is this resounding theme of my trying to walk on my own and the Lord calling me back through a myriad of circumstances over the years to trust Him.  Why is this so hard for me?  Why do I continuously try to do things on my own?

As I read this passage I once again was drawn to ponder for a while – what in my life do I not trust the Lord with…what do I cling to so hard and what is God forced to unclench from my fingers?  A relationship, a life change, a seasonal wandering…..That I might learn to trust in His love for me and the promise that ALL things are done for my good (whether it feels like it at the time or not) and His Glory (my ultimate goal).

My friend, Julie, recently texted me words that I now I have written and stuck on my mirror  – “He had your provision before you even knew you had a need.”  It brought me right back to the beginning of this thought “He knew how he’d save  me before I fell in the garden….”  Which brought me to….”He has a plan….” Which brought me to every promise He has given me in the Word.  A cyclical theme, from a loving, patient, faithful, redeeming, trustworthy Father.

 

If I should say, “My foot has slipped,” Your lovingkindness, O LORD, will hold me up.
When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.
Psalm 94:18-19

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