My last post was in February – it is now May. I think that is some sort of blogging fail….but nevertheless there you have it.
My life has been a bit topsy turvy in the past few months and I actually have several blogs that I have started – that now sit in draft mode waiting to be finished. Maybe they will be one day….or maybe they were just ways to get thoughts that were sitting captive in my head out so I could move on to other things.
To know me well is to know that I hate change. To know me just a little bit – you might be surprised by that statement. My life is constantly flowing and going. Jumping on planes to far flung places full of adventures, and when I’m home constantly busy with work demands, church and trying to have a bit of a social life somewhere in between. Yet somewhere in all that constant busy-ness there is a steady rhythm of my life. I always have a place that is mine that I come home to at the end of the day or at the end of a trip. A place that I designed to be mine, surrounded by things that I enjoy, photos of ones I love, and complete with a cat and a dog who always seem to find a way to sleep with me no matter how many times I push them off the bed before I go to sleep.
I simply don’t like change. There is an interruption to all of life whenever something changes. Everything is thrown off. The past few months have been one change after another in my life. Some that I was ok with, and some that I was not that thrilled about. All of them were a disruption to the normal that is my life.
For a recent graduate school class called the process of change I had to write a paper on a “change” that had occurred in my life, and the process of transition that change took me through. To be perfectly honest, this assignment paralyzed me for a while. (thus the unannounced hiatus from this blog).
In the midst of writing this paper on change, I was once again going through some life changes. My roommate made the decision to move closer to work and church and her life in South Dallas, and I was thrown into an unexpected transitional process. Do I stay? Do I go? Where do I live? Who do I live with? Do I buy? Do I rent? For some reason these questions – which in the past have been perfectly easy for me to answer – all held me captive in some sort of suspended paralytic emotional state.
I’d been here before, of course, anytime that major life changes come along, I find myself in this state. Sometimes it lasts a few minutes, sometimes a few months, and once for a very lonely period of time it lasted several years. Thanks to my current area of study I now know that this period of time is called a “neutral zone” and that it’s occurrence is perfectly normal and there is always something to learn there.
This time around the lesson was “Trust”. Trust that God is in complete control even when you are one week away from moving out and have no idea where you are going to move in. Trust that He is your Jehovah Jireh and will provide money that you might be set free from the bondage of credit card debt that you have been in for so many years. Trust that everything that you have gone through in the past 6 years, and the fires that you have gone through He has used to refine you into the priceless jewel that you are today. Trust. Trust. Trust. Every song, every sermon, every scripture, every bird song, every turn in traffic, every step, every minute, every second seemed to resound this over and over and over and over.
I’ll be honest, it was not easy. I think people should know that. Walking in complete trust and faith in God, is not easy, anyone who tells you differently is a liar. But even in the most difficult, dread-filled moments – HE.IS.FAITHFUL I would love to sit down with a cup of coffee and tell you of all the incredible ways that He showed up for me this past month. I live in a new house, with new roommates, I have friendships I’ve been begging God for years to give me, I’ve learned a new area of life that I can Trust Him in…no matter what the change might bring.
If I leave you with anything today, please know this – No matter where you are, what you have done, how you are feeling, how lost you might be, or how impossible you may feel the situation – He has a plan, He is faithful to that plan, it is for you to trust…and obey.