*this blog has no rhyme or reason….it may contain joy, self pity, laughter, longing, some passive aggressivity and any other host of bi-polar-like differences….you’ve been given fair warning.
It’s Monday – It’s raining. Rainy days and Mondays do not always get me down…in fact, I rather like them.
I moved this past weekend. In the midst of going up and down flights of stairs over and over again I got a bit discouraged at the fact that I was once again doing this alone. I go to a church that has story after story of people being helped, served, and community happening….yet even when help was asked for it was not given…rather I packed alone, prepped the old apartment alone, paid movers, and a maid and wondered….. also I longed for the day that I would not be in charge of every little thing.
Friday night was a fancy dress party….I showered, found a dress in my boxes, found shoes in another box, did makeup (found in yet another box) and got to where I was supposed to be in 20 minutes flat…I do believe this was my personal best record. We dressed up fancy and went to a gas station for dinner….tacos $1.40 each, eaten on the back of a pickup truck. That, my friends, is what great memories and lifelong stories are made of. From there we went whereever the wind blew us…and it was windy I assure you…at 2:30 am (which is rediculously late for all of us) we finally made it back home…my feet were cramping…my body was tired, but my heart was in a happier place.
Saturday morning, I got up to go watch a little league game. I can’t tell you what it is about this little team, but from the moment my friend said he was going to coach them, my heart became burdened for them. That morning as I sat having had about 3 1/2 hours sleep (thank you insomnia), guzzling coffee and watching the longest 1st inning ever….I began to pray for their sweet little souls. Some come from good homes, and some from bad, some from just so…but each has a Hope and a future in Christ that needs to be prayed for. So as I sat for 2 hours and watched pitch after pitch, cheered when the ball was hit and when great plays were made, I began to call each one by name to the Father. When they grow up…may this be the season they look back on as when life changed for them, when they first believed, and when they began to passionately began to pursue after One who loves them so.
I went back to my old apartment and finished up last things, got it cleaned and before turning in the keys sat quietly in the same spot I sat when I first moved in and reflected. So much has happened in the 2 1/2 years I lived there. I have been lonely, I have had an apartment full of friends, I have danced and sang praises to the Father, I have had a crisis of my faith and was not sure what I really believed, I fell in love with a boy who lived far away, I had my heart broken, I laughed, I cried, I shouted, I sat still, I fought God, I was held by God, I talked, I prayed, I listened, I heard from God and found in Him more than I could ever have imagined. As I turned in my keys, I was thankful for every minute as all of it shaped who I am today.My new apartment is lovely, it is huge, it has a roommate that I love, and is full of unpacked boxes!! My favorite moment so far was when Nicole and I sat in the middle of the living room floor and prayed together….I’m in anxious anticipation to see what God has for us there!
I went to church & was overwhelmed with His grace and mercy in my life as we sang and I continued my earlier reflections of all that He has walked me through in the past few years.
Dinner with a friend who always brings me joy, makes me laugh and who has no idea how incredible he really is….
And now here is the part of the blog where I publically confess to being a complete idiot….mind you I’ve had 3 1/2 hours of sleep have been going non stop for weeks…but even still…enter dumb blond moment….late Saturday night…I got a text…my friends have decided on the name for their coming girl – (another addition to my ever growing population of adopted neices and nephews – June – September are going to be some crazy months for me!). They’ve decided on the beautiful name Stella Adele Birdsong. I love it…love every thing about it….except somehow as my tired eyes look at this text all I see are the initials…S.A.D. and I freakout to myself at how I am going to share with one of my dearest friends that this lovely name that they have pondered over so painstakingly has the initials SAD! This child cannot be SAD…OH NO! After a good 30 seconds of debate and fear I realize that the last name (which I know well) is Birdsong and the initials are not SAD they are SAB….I laugh, I sigh, I call my friend to tell her I made a fool of myself so she and her hubby can join me in my self mocking. Sleep deprived…check. Blond…check. Idiot…check check!
Sunday I woke up – in pain and weary. Weary of things I seem to constantly battle with – (when will they be defeated and be over), surrounded by the lies mentioned in the blog before this one (amazed at how they hit hardest after a weekend of being proven wrong!), homesick for places I cannot be, battling the desire to be desired and physically in pain from pushing myself too far too long, and overall simply exhausted. Yet, there was a babyshower to attend…to know me is to know I avoid these things at all costs. However, this one is different – this one was for family. This one is for the precious bundle of joy that I have already begun to pray for…and attending this one is really all about showing my family love. So, off I went, I ooo’d at the right time….awwwwwed at appropriate moments. I survived and was rewarded by my aunt’s roast dinner….YUM!
I lay down last night, willing my body to relax and the insomnia to go away…and reflected on all I had seen, done, been a part of this weekend. I am blessed, even in the moments of self pity and doubt, I am blessed far beyond what I deserve and grace abounds.
My life is full and my cup runneth over….