Day 8 – Loves Music Loves to Dance

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365challenge

“Loves Music, Loves to Dance” – this is the title of a book by an author whose books I read all the time when I was younger.  In the past few years I’ve not kept up with all of her newest books, but they are great thriller reads for long plane rides or sitting on a beach somewhere.

But tonight’s topic is not about that at all….it’s about the fact that this has always been how I’ve thought of myself.  “Amanda – loves Jesus, loves music, loves to dance.”  And I do, I really do!

Most who know me are not usually around me very long before I am humming a favorite melody or singing along with a song on the radio. I love music. It stirs up in me emotions that move me, that heal me, that touch me in ways that nothing else on earth every can.

However, what many do not know about me is my love for dance.

I was raised as the daughter of Baptist missionaries and the granddaughter of Baptist preachers.  We did not dance.  Forget that there is dancing in the Bible. Baptist traditionally (thankful most have moved past these traditions) did not care about the fact that dancing was in the Bible….dancing lead to sinful actions ergo dancing was sinful.

Somehow God missed that memo. Because he gave me rhythm and he gave me a love for dance.

As far back as I can remember I have loved to dance. I remember very clearly as a young child dancing to whatever song was on.  Some of my favorite memories as a child were creating dance routines to the Amy Grant songs with my best friend, Annie. As a teenager I remember being in my room and pretending to dance a waltz or a slow dance with whomever my imaginary partner of the moment might have been – it wasn’t about the romance of it as much as it was about the dance.  I dream of the first dance at my wedding more than anything else I have imagined about it. And one day I am going to dance in the streets of Heaven in praise and worship to the One who gave me the rhythm to my soul, and the steps to my feet.

But for now….this girl, who loves music and loves to dance, will slide on my boots, and make my way to Cowboys where my friends will spin and twirl me around the dance floor.  I will laugh and my heart will be light and happy….and I will dance.

These boots were made for dancing

Say Goodbye

This past Sunday evening I went with my friend Sarah to see Mandisa in concert. I don’t really know a lot about her and outside of a single here and there have not heard a ton of her music until recently.  Then as if out of nowhere I found her to be everywhere I turned…her music speaking to parts of my soul I wasn’t aware even existed.  She can have me dancing and singing around the room to on my face before the Lord in the same song sometimes.

While she sang several of my favorites Sunday night, she also sang a few I hadn’t heard before.  “Say Goodbye” was one of them, and as the words  hit my ears the pierced through to my soul.  I feel like I have spent my life saying “goodbye” – to loved ones, to friends, to places and to memories.  Most recently, however, I’ve begun to say a final goodbye parts of me that need to go and never return.  Actions and things that no longer define me and are not who I am though they were who I was.  As I face some of these things, or some of these actions try to rear their ugly head and do their best to bring unwarranted guilt, shame and  regret to my soul; I am learning to “Say Goodbye” to their lies and hold fast to the unmerited grace, favor and freedom that I now live in fully.

What are you holding on to today that you can say GOODBYE! too? Do it now! And then dance and sing along!

Unexpected healing….

As she took the stage and began the opening lines to “Make his Praise Glorious” – I was instantly transported to a cotton candy pink bedroom, with white curtains covered in pastel hearts, where I am sitting by my cassette player listening to the strains of this same song and dreaming of the day when I will BE Sandi Patty.  Well, not her exactly, but someone just like her.  My dreams began in that little room so many years ago…..I will be on stage, I will sing my songs,  I will tell my story of my growing up in Africa and I.Will.Be.Amazing!

The next song in the medley begins….and the next….and scene after scene of my scattered hopes and shattered dreams flash before my tear filled eyes.  I did know it would be like this – I came to hear a woman that I love sing songs that I enjoy….why do I feel this way? Why am I am heartbroken?

I am heartbroken because somewhere along the way I lost those dreams….and they are never coming back.

She was my hero.  From as far back as I can remember Sandi Patty was the idol in my life.  I knew every lyric to every song, knew the highest note she could hit, I had read books about her, knew her birthday, and her children’s birthdays, and one night my life was “made complete” when I got to meet her on the bus ramp behind Reunion Arena in Dallas, TX. ….I thought she was all I ever wanted to be and more.

So I started to follow in her footsteps…or so I thought…I tried to do everything right, I sang and performed at every opportunity, I trained with a choir, I graduated high school and I went to Bible college to study music, I practiced and sang round the clock – but in the end I was told – “You are not good enough, you will never be good enough as long as you continue to be you.”  These words were not a reflection of my musical talent, in fact, to the contrary, my talent was fine – it was ‘who I was’ or rather ‘who they wanted me to be’ – that wasn’t.

My heart clenched in that moment.  Here was someone who I thought knew so much telling me I would never be good enough. I needed to be someone different. In that moment, with those words – I put on a mask.  I would become whoever it took to be who I needed to be to be on a stage one day.  But with the putting on of the mask, I lost the song that sang in my heart.

This past Thursday night as I listened to the words of the opening medley – words that are so deeply ingrained in my heart from years of listening to them over and over and over again – I realized that for so long I worshiped the singer of the song and not the Savior to whom she was singing. I wanted a dream that God did not have for me.  My heart began to weep as I listened to the words as if I was hearing them for the first time and for the first time I fell into the true rhythm of the song and began to sing the words of praise not in hopes of one day becoming someone who would sing them from stage – but out of the overflow of my heart to a Savior that I am not worthy to ever stand before.  By the end of the medley, I stood weeping, bare-faced and mask-free knowing that I might never be good enough to be on that stage, but that God had a different stage for me.  One that is full of people and places and a life far beyond what I could ever have imagined in that little pink bedroom so many years ago.

As I left that night, I was quiet. I felt a piece of my childhood slip back into the recesses of my heart, I closed the door once again to the little pink bedroom and the little girl who lives there.  I left with a dream once shattered now mended by the Creator of dreams and formed into something new and holy.   I still love Sandi, I always will.  One day we’ll sit down to coffee together and I’ll tell her about the time I sang “Love in any Language” at an African wedding or how I completely changed the words to “There is a Savior” as a sang it because I had forgotten the word “Savior” (who does that!?! its the title of the song for crying out loud!).  I’ll tell her how her life influenced mine and we’ll laugh about how I ran screaming from the stage that she touched my hand as she took a Kleenex from me when I was 13.  And then I’ll tell her how this one stormy night in Dallas, TX – the sweet songs of long ago swelled back up in me and were used of God to unexpectedly heal a broken heart and give me back a song for my heart to sing.

“God did not say no to my dreams.  He said yes to dreams I haven’t even seen yet.”
– Sandi Patty

Musical Monday Blog: listen, enjoy, sing along…

This weekend was interesting in all sorts of ways…and my musical choices today have reflected my working it all out in my mind…

It started with this…

Went to this…

Then a little bit of this…

Followed by…

And…

Ending with….

What was your music Monday like?

The words to the old songs

Anyone who knew me at any point of my childhood for any amount of time knew that I loved Sandy Patti.  Mock me if you must, but I was fan!  I thought she was beautiful inside and out, could sing like an angel, and thought she would make the most incredible friend.  I rejoiced in the birth of each of her children, celebrated her birthday, cried when she got divorced and rejoiced when she found love again.  I own every single album she has ever put out, two song books, and in the 8th grade once gave her a kleenex when she asked for one at a concert….and ran screaming back to my seat that she had touched my hand!!  My heart be still!  That same night I had the opportunity to meet her up close and in person and that moment of time is so beautifully etched in my brain as one of the top 5 favorite moments of my life.

I wanted to be…..Sandy Patti!  I could sing every line of every song that she ever sang….

Eventually….I grew up….If I met her today I’d sit down with a cup of coffee and have a chat…I’d ask her all sorts of questions and perhaps somewhere along the way I’d have the joy of calling her friend.  However, I have long since grown past the screaming fan of yesteryear….mostly

Yesterday, my friend Christin – sent me a you tube clip of Sandy and Larnelle singing “More than Wonderful”.  As I listened to the song I learned so many years ago as a child, I found myself weeping….because yesterday as I listened to the words I realized that now that I am an adult, I not only know the words in my head, I know the Truth of them in my heart.

How true the words….

The finest words I know could not begin to tell just how much Jesus really means to me…
I marvel just to think that HE really loves me when I think of who HE is and who I am….
He goes beyond my highest hopes and fondest dreams……
He’s everything that my soul ever longed for – everything He promised and so much more…
He’s more than Amazing, more than marvelous, more than miraculous, more than Wonderful, that’s what Jesus is to me

I clicked from that video the duet of “I’ve just seen Jesus” and once again was swallowed up in the words to a song that my mind knew but now resounded with my heart….

I went from there to Larnelle’s “I miss my time with you”….How many times the words of this song has echoed in my mind as my life takes on a hurry scurry appearance, and I give excuse after excuse…and Jesus quietly whispers “How can you serve me when your spirit’s empty?”

Click from there to a Gaither video of George Younce and Jake Hess singing “Oh what a Savior”,  “He touched me” “I know who holds tomorrow” and  “Going Home” .  I had the opportunity to spend time both of these sweet men, and they were charming, funny and crazy, and both desperately in love with the Jesus of whom they sang.  As I listened to those sweet men singing “There is nothing to hold me here, I’ve caught a glimpse of that Heavenly Land, praise God I’m going home”  I smiled as I though of how much they must love being “Home”.

This little trip down memory lane was so sweet for many reasons…first it brought to mind the many times I have listened and sung those songs in my short lifetime, memories of concerts I have been too and conversations I have had.  But last night, it held more….Ask my roommate and she will tell you that I am constantly singing and can be found belting out a song at any given moment of the day…however, the words of the “old songs” these words once sung from being memorized in my head….are now sung from the overflow and knowledge of the Truth in my heart…He IS more than wonderful!

Music that stirs the soul

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Andy Gullahorn, Jill Phillips

Earlier this week my friend Julie had invited me to an Andy Gullahorn/Jill Phillips concert….she has asked me on several occasions to come and I felt a bit guilty for always having a lame excuse, so I said yes.  This week has been a long one, work has been stressfilled, I still haven’t been able to shake this cough, and other burdens and disappointments have all decided to pile on at the same time.  So, last night, I went to this concert resentfully and with a very tired heart.

I am so glad I did!  Andy is hilarious and his music is simple and poignant and speaks directly into the soul.

Jill Phillips is also incredible…….

….and her last song of the night (which was chosen kind of spur of the moment) was meant just for me.

Thanks Julie for persistently inviting me, and thank you Lord for speaking and stirring my soul through music.

This song makes me happy and sad at the same time….

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hourglass, Mindy Gledhill, music

How did I not know about this amazing voice until today? Who has been holding out on me?

Whatever You’re Doing

I have a friend who loves to send me the “song of the day” in the form of you tube video.  Sometimes these songs are hilarious – have you ever seen Amy Grant’s video for “Angels” – as my friend said it definitely takes a “Videos you regret making” award.  Sometimes they are wrapped around a theme, or dedicated to a conversation we’ve just had.  Mostly she has a way of being dead on when it comes to the song I need.

“Whatever You’re Doing” by Sanctus Real was the song today – it’s words speak the words of my confused, tired, and longing heart.  I hope it speaks to you as well.

Amazing….

Some of the greatest leaders of worship, all of whom have impacted my life in one song or another…on stage together…amazing!

The Music in My Head

Flat out, no competition, KSBJ, is my radio station. Truely…well it’s God’s, but He lets me claim it as mine.

This year for the 4th year in a row I participated in KSBJ’s Sharathon. This is an amazing 3 days of the year when the radio station raises money for operations for the entire year (meaning absolutely NO commercials) and for all sorts of incredible special projects that further the work of the kingdom around the globe. I have had the honor of supporting this radio station for five years and working at Sharathon for four.

Even though I live in Dallas I continue to volunteer as my hope is one day the signal will be strong enough to reach all the way here. Until then I listed by webcast!

Every year, simply gets better.
This year, I was up at 4am to make the drive from The Woodlands to Humble, and start my shift at 5 am. This year, rather than answering phones I volunteered to fill into areas that might need the help of some of the more experienced volunteers. So I started by checking in the phone volunteers and it was fun to see those from previous years, and see how their year had gone. Each year there are a lot of new faces and people to meet and learn about. However, there are also friends from years gone by, and Sharathon is simply a reunion to share all that God has done in our lives!
At around 8 am, I moved into phone central where all the action happens! 🙂 Phone answerers were at every table taking pledges and the DJ’s were floating around talking to the audience and the volunteers. I worked at the verifiying table…verifying the pledges that came in and making changes where necessary. Later in the afternoon I was able to do a bit of floating, answering questions of volunteers and spending time with Sharathon friends!
Also, thanks to a webcam set up in Phone central, my parents were able to see me from across the water in Botswana. Everyone got into the fun waving at them and saying “hi mom and dad!” When my dad called my friend Coop (KSBJ’s summer intern) waved with me and his mom happened to be watching at the same time. So she texted him “how did you know to wave right then?” We haven’t told her that he wasn’t waving at her!
Also I started to wonder later what others watching the webcam right at that moment might be thinking…(who is this crazy girl talking on the phone and waving and turning round and round.) ha ha ha
I found myself in some of the photos of the day…they are horrible! I was so exhuausted by the time they got around to capturing my face.
The highlight of my day was my time spent in the Prayer room with the women of Pray the Word Ministries. I have had the honor of praying with and being prayed for by these amazing women. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for the time spent with me on Friday…praying the words of Jesus over me and reminding me of His unending faithful promises to me and my life. Also teaching me how to pray these things for myself. Thank you Lord for this ministry and the work that you do through them.
The second highlight of my day was getting meet Becky Kankelfritz, I have had the pleasure of getting to know her via her blog and a mutual love of photography this past year. I have also had the distinct honor of getting to pray for her and her sweet family as the Lord walks us through similar lessons on different paths. Becky, I am so excited to continue to develop our friendship!
Our on time God helped us meet our Sharathon goals this year right at the closing minute of this pledge time. I am so thankful for His faithful work in this ministry year after year! I am honored to get to be a part of it!

I can’t wait till next year to see what all God has done, in this year of “New Beginnings”

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