I’m not sure I thought this whole challenge to myself through when I decided to do it. First of all, I didn’t realize how easy it would be to get all the way through a day full of thoughts to put on a page and then get to the computer and stare at a blank screen and blinking cursor – both of which are simply sitting there mocking me.
There is also pressure that I am putting on myself (even though Day 1 I said that there wouldn’t be) to write something fabulous. I have friends that are incredible bloggers, and I have written some pretty deep and heavy things in the past, so there is this pressure to write the deep, heavy things and get them out of my head.
What I had forgotten is how emotionally exhausting it can be to write some of the heavy things. To find the right words that will help you as the reader understand where I am coming from and why things are the way they are…not easy.
This past 6 weeks has been rough. Really the past 3 months haven’t been all that grand, but the last 6 weeks blow after blow after blow. I want to tap out of the fight and just sit down for a while, but right now I can’t. So I spew these words on to the page…no depth, no meaning, no seeming purpose to them so that I can process all that is going on instead.
The stories of what is going on will come out in time. Or they won’t…some are not mine to tell right now. Until then I submit myself to the discipline of daily putting words on paper (or on-screen). Not caring (much) about grammar, who will read these words or what anyone else might think….just writing.